Welcome to the Baron's Foodatorium, the brainchild of a chewing-gum loving military enthusiast and one too many yard sales.

Come inside, sit.

Years ago (I believe it was a rainy afternoon in July) the government put its entire fleet of weather-control Zeppelins up for sale. Most of them went for scrap metal. Alas, one of these nuclear-powered cloud-ploughs was purchased by our Baron. Woe betide us all.

Take heed, for this is our recipe: Scoop a large dollop of money and a penchant for roboticizing anything not nailed down (and a few things that are), blend these into a paste and set aside. Take one crew of malcontents and bring them to the boil. Add the blended paste and mix with absolutely no knowledge of how to cook (literally, not a jot). Place all of these aboard a nuclear powered Zeppelin and stand back.

Witness …